Saturday, January 22, 2005

James Dobson is a Butt Plug

I'm sure by now you've all heard the news. SpongeBob is promoting that damned homosexual agenda. (I keep asking the local homosexual club for a copy of its agenda, but I've been told it's super-secret and I have to pass some sort of initiation to get one.)

In Focus on the Family's hometown of Colorado Springs, the reporter who was asked to cover the controversy either has a keenly developed sense of irony and double entendre, or he's flat-footed. Either way, there are enough great moments in the article to call some to your attention.

Standing firm in a swirl of controversy, James Dobson and Focus on the Family reiterated their belief Friday that dozens of childhood icons are, perhaps unwittingly, pushing the acceptance of homosexuality.
Just how firmly was Dobson standing? Fully erect? Watching SpongeBob will do that to a guy.

But Focus officials say that no one from their organization, including Dobson, questions SpongeBob’s sexuality or the integrity of the popular show.
Okay. Try to read that sentence again--they're questioning an animated sponge's sexuality. Um. Porifera reproduce asexually.

Focus, in fact, likes Sponge-Bob, even though the sponge sometimes holds hands with his best friend, Patrick — a habit that has caused some cultural commentators to speculate that SpongeBob is gay.
Boys do not touch each other--ever. If they hold hands, then the next time some athlete slaps another one on the ass after a touchdown, the shit will hit the fan. (Or perhaps the Santorum.)

In Focus’ review of “The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie,” located on www.,
Wait. Wait. Wait. Plugged in online? Sounds like code words for homosexuality to me. Could it be that Focus on the Family is a homosexual group?

But like some other conservative groups, including the American Family Association, Focus does have a problem with a video SpongeBob appears in — or rather, what they perceive is the motivation behind the video.
The four-minute music video, sponsored by the New York-based We Are Family Foundation, will be distributed to 61,000 elementary schools March 11 to foster a sense of respect and understanding, its creators say.
Focus believes the characters in the video have been coopted to further what it says is the group’s pro-homosexual agenda.

Cause, you know, respect and understanding is faggy.

Although the content of the video is fine, Batura said, he’s concerned that an accompanying booklet, which he had not seen, may make reference to sexual orientation.
He hasn't seen the booklet, but it MAY make reference to sexual orientation. So, why is anyone talking to this asswipe?

The booklet, according to a We Are Family Foundation press release, contains lessons to help teachers “put the video’s themes of respect, understanding and appreciation of diversity into practice.”
“You take a 6- or 7-year-old child, it’s hard for them to understand” sexual orientation, Batura said. He says parents, not teachers, should get the first opportunity to talk about the issue of sexual orientation.
But Christine Kaculis, who coordinates publicity for the We Are Family Foundation, said the manuals make no reference to sexual orientation, and she flatly denies that the group promotes homosexual lifestyles.
The group’s mission statement, found online at www., says it supports “programs that inspire and educate individuals of all ages about diversity, understanding, respect and multiculturalism.”
The Web site makes one reference to sexual orientation: a “tolerance pledge” that reads, in part, “I pledge to have respect for people whose abilities, beliefs, culture, race, sexual identity or other characteristics are different from my own.”
The pledge was created by the Southern Poverty Law Center’s National Campaign for Tolerance.

So, there you have it. Based on a booklet he hasn't read and speculation about an asexual animal's sexuality, James Dobson has managed to get lots of press. And journalists wonder why so many of us think that they're right-wing dupes.

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