You remember Mr. Allen, don't you?
What should we do with US classics like Cat on a Hot Tin Roof or The Color Purple? "Dig a hole," Gerald Allen recommends, "and dump them in it." Don't laugh. Gerald Allen's book-burying opinions are not a joke.
Earlier this week, Allen got a call from Washington. He will be meeting with President Bush on Monday. I asked him if this was his first invitation to the White House. "Oh no," he laughs. "It's my fifth meeting with Mr Bush."
The world is falling apart: crisis in Darfur, crisis in Iraq, nuclear weapons in North Korea, ad nauseum, and Bush has time to meet with Gerald Allen five times over the homosexual agenda? What's really going on in the Lincoln Bedroom? I think I know.
Bush and Allen stay up late, sitting in the Lincoln bedroom, reading the "good" parts from literature.
"Ew. Boys kissing!" says Bush.
"Yucky." says Allen. "Let me read you something else."
"You put your penis where?" says Bush.
"In a big hole," says Allen. "Wanna try it?"
"That was bad. Books are bad. Burn books. Books made me do it. I hate books. LAURA!!!!"