Saturday, December 04, 2004

Cracker Jackboots

Well, Alabama made it a two-fer this week. First, it voted to uphold segregated schools and rejected free public education; now, another of its legislative dim bulbs, afraid that young Alabamans would decide that if anal sex was good enough for Plato, it was good enough for them, has proposed banning all books from libraries in which homosexuality is shown in a positive light.

Allen said that if his bill passes, novels with gay protagonists and college textbooks that suggest homosexuality is natural would have to be removed from library shelves and destroyed.

"I guess we dig a big hole and dump them in and bury them," he said.

Hehhehheh. Hey Beavis, he said "big hole."

The legislator, who appeared on the courthouse steps in jack boots and a trench coat, reported that the trauma caused by his erections in public libraries, as he read Evelyn Waugh novels and The Phaedo, was something he wanted to spare other young men. "I mean, my wife caught me beating off to a picture of Tennessee Williams and she's made me sleep on the couch ever since," he offered. "I'm doing this as a public service. No one should ever have to go through the trauma of getting turned on by reading about boys kissing each other. I thought that maybe I was a fag, until my pastor convinced me that it was the book's fault. Books are evil."


jo said...

I would post a comment, but I just read The Color Purple and suddenly, inexplicably dove into the snatch of the nearest woman. Damn you, books!

jo said...

I'm sure he'd appreciate a call...

Sheryl said...

Warning: If you are to stupid to understand irony, don't read this.Book burning? Lorraine, that's hardly good enough. Is it adequate to destroy the books when the evil sinners who promote these ideas still live? Besides, it's been years since we've had a good old fashion lynching. Or burned a witch. If you burn the books, they'll just write more. That's how these sinners are.

But once the sinners are removed, then sterilizing innocent minds of all contamination will be much easier. Thay's why on the 5th day God created Guantanamo Bay. Because Jesus doesn't like sinners. They have to be punished. And Jesus knows that torture is ok in certain circumstances because you have to keep these evil ones under control or the devil will take over everything. There are some things he just can't forgive and and pluralism and diversity are biggies.

That's why in that lesser known section of the Bible Celebates 17:6-11, it says that "And God said 'he who loveth other men and lust for forbidden fruit are not of Him. And he who loveth Him must destroy such evildoers in His name by flame, stone, or rope."

I can see the bumper stickers now : "Jesus isn't P.C."

No, but all kidding aside, I don't think some of these christians are all that familiar with the Bible. They just let other people tell them what it supposedly says, listen to completely spun versions of things, and memorize passages without ever giving a thought to what it means.

You know what is needed is a a blue bumper sticker that says "whipped by the Bible belt."

Sheryl said...

Hey Lorraine,

For less than a day KFCF has an Ohio electoral rally from today online with Greg Palast and other speakers: out the broadcasts from 3-6PM.

lorraine said...

Love it! Whipped by the Bible Belt. Should be sold with a complete set: bumper sticker, little black leather panties, blindfold, and ball gag. What would a bible belt look like, do you think? Hmmm. I see a whole new business venture opening up for you here, Sheryl.

Sheryl said...

Goodness, I hadn't even considered that angle yet. Great point!

I was just thinking that the country is red and blue from the whipping (bloody and bruised).

I will have give that some thought. There's money making potential here.

Bart said...

Luddites are positively benign as compared to this asshole. Jesus fucking Christ what in the name of God and eight hands around is going on here.....I am hoping that "books are evil" commentary is Lorrainish hyperbole, but knowing Allen for the dickfore he is, I suspect not.

God (or a reasonable surrogate) save us!

lorraine said...

hyperbole? I'm gonna open up a can of hyperbole on you.

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